go back, or EVOLVE instead.
I am sitting in my Montreal apartment, in another lockdown in January. Experiencing yet another high dose of isolation, and disconnection from family, friends, and community. Alongside this comes more time for introspection.
A few weeks back, I was invited to share a bit of my journey on the podcast called Parlay. A podcast that speaks of living, learning, and betting on yourself. As I began to talk about my journey I was quickly reminded of the many moments I found myself in situations where I had started over. Whether it be in a new relationship, city, or country. Each experience yielded many different lessons but there was one common thread and lesson to them all. The choice to go back or EVOLVE.
On this podcast, I spoke in particular about the moment I found myself alone, in Montreal, when I first moved to the city 11 years ago. On arrival, my relationship abruptly fell apart, alongside the plan that went with it. I remember sitting on the floor in my quaint 3 1/2 apartment in the plateau, and I was alone. I had no family, friends, or community at this point, as I was new to the city. Humbled and heavy in emotion by the uncertainty that this situation had brought, I wondered if I had made the right choice to have brought me to this moment. I had friends and family from afar calling to check-in. I took the calls in hopes to bring me some comfort from hearing their voices. I listened as they each shared concerns and advice. One that seems to be on repeat was to “ go back” or home.
I kept listening but wasn’t absorbing all that I heard, particularly the part of being advised to “go back. “That was probably the more easier and comfortable choice, but somewhere along my journey, I had taken these words out of my vocabulary and chose to replace it with “EVOLVE” instead. I chose to LIVE it, whatever IT WAS, good or bad.
This didn’t mean, I didn’t FEEL lonely, I didn’t feel disconnected or lost, I just chose to live the experience I was given. I had come this far, I might as well try to see it through.
I can’t place the exact moment I found this type of resilience in trying to stay present with the hand that you are dealt but I feel like it had something to do when I first stepped outside my comfort zone, 11 years prior to that in 1999. It was then that I had taken a solo trip abroad. A journey that by the end of it had changed my mindset and actions to the way I behaved and reacted to situations that were out of my control. I noticed I no longer gave up, or retreated quickly for something easier, but instead lean into it and chose to LIVE out the experience I was having, no matter if it was bad or good.
Through these previous experiences in my life, I knew that all things pass, and instead of sweeping them under the rug or throwing in the towel the minute something felt uncomfortable, I chose to LIVE it. Feel it. Exhaust the emotion. Eventually, it always changes.
So as I sit here in another wave to this pandemic, with similar feelings of discomfort and disconnections from community, friends, and family once again, I can at least find perspective and look back to how far I have come.
Even if it seems like a full circle. That is a movement forward in itself.
Life often repeats itself, but this doesn’t mean the story, the memory that got you here has to remain the same.
We are at a pivotal time in history where many things are in flux and need drastic changes. This means life can feel uncomfortable at times.
We have a choice. We can choose to participate in it, be numb by it, or try to “ go back “ to an old way of living. Which in reality, isn’t an option. Or we FACE it, as individuals and as a collective with our eyes open, to SEE, FEEL and Create the life we want to live in.
In reality, we only have this MOMENT.
The pandemic has given us rare insight and opportunity to slow down enough to live and feel what life is like in the PRESENT.
Which at times can FEEL unsettling, if you have been living in your past, busy and distracted in your present, or escaping to the future that doesn’t exist yet.
It has given us a chance to step boldly into the unknown. Taking ownership for each new step we take, big or small. Which of course may be a daughting task as it requires us to go beyond our old ways, systems, and limiting beliefs of our own possibilities to EVOLVE.
So as we move forward into 2022, can we yield from the lessons we have learned so far?
Can we LEAN into this one, and become more aware of our time here. Can we get comfortable in being uncomfortable and learn to flow and adapt to change and uncertainty, all the while choosing to EVOLVE into the possibilities of each day?
So how about we keep SHOWING up for ourselves, others, and this world, in whatever way we can, when we can.
BE ACTIVE participates in our lives.
That you SHOWING up each day, and saying yes, or no, to this or that, is evolving yourself from who you were, to who are you NOW.
Take a moment of awareness to how far you have come.
Let’s choose to
FEEL IT
LIVE IT
SHOW UP
CREATE
and EVOLVE.
As I struggle a bit in wondering how or if to participate in social media, I hope to share a bit more personal stories from my everyday wanderings from the past, and present. Through storytelling, creative expressions, and whatever else arises.
I hope you enjoy this new journey forward.
If you find yourself, in a limbo state in these uncertain times, with many questions, be patient with yourself to find the answers. Make daily decisions, and move forward. Sometimes the most uncomfortable moments in our lives, yield the most valuable lessons.
Keep your eyes open, and focus on your intentions. Be where your feet are and stay grounded. Make some initiations to work towards and move at your own pace.
onward friends. x